OK, I haven’t posted an appalling joke for some time – so long that a Methodist friend had to leave one of his own!
So here goes:-
A Theory of Creation
God created the mule, and told him, “You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years.”
The mule answered, “To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20.” And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, “You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.”
And the dog responded, “Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years.” And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, “You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years.”
And the monkey responded, “Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.” And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, “You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years.”
And the man responded, “Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected.” And it was so.
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grand children.
Liverpool Anglican Cathedral
I spent Saturday at the Liverpool Anglican Cathedral for my second quiet day on the run, last week being at Pennant Malangell.
Our day was split up into times of teaching and times of quite. Two of the quite times where meditative walks. The third walk was on my way from the Cathedral into Liverpool City Centre.
The first walk was a guided meditation round the Cathedral itself looking at some of the features and thinking how they may relate to God. There were hundreds of tourist in every nook and cranny of that large building but what struck me we the way in which all visitors are forbidden to get neat to the high altar. Now I know this is normal for most churches that are open to the public and I understand the reason why, but at that moment the image seemed to be a metaphor for much more – it was if we were saying to people “this is as far as you are coming to God and no further.”
The day was warm and sunny and yet in the Cathedral it was cool and dark. As I looked at the towering thick walls I couldn’t help but think that what we had created was a mausoleum for God – a place where he could dwell safe from the evils of the outside, being protected by the thick, fortress-like walls.
St James Gardens
My second walk could not have been a bigger contrast. This time I walked in St. James’ Garden, a one time burial ground for the rich and important of Liverpool. Here the sun shone, the birds sang and the wild-flowers bloomed. People were walking about or sitting enjoying the day and suddenly I realised that this place of death was in fact a place of life. It seemed here God was near in a way that he had been missing from the inside.
Church Street
The final walk was into town and on into the main shopping area. Recession of not people were scurrying here and there with shopping bags or sitting outside the multitude of bars that now grace our town. In the main pedestrian walk a solitary man stud with his placard inviting people to repent. In his hand was a bunch of tracts which nobody took. Where as God in this situation?
The truth is God was there in all of my walks, what changed was my perception of his presence. The question is: how how do we get others to perceive the presence of God in whatever path he may choose them to walk.
Tags: Church, ecology, History, Kingdom of God, lesson from life, Ministry, mission, Pilgrimage
A survey carried out by Tesco mobile amongst 4,000 people puts the iPhone in the top ten of the most important inventions ever launched. Yes, that’s all inventions ever! The iPhone came in at No.8 and the Internet, Computers and Telephones at 4, 5 and 6. Things we in the West find essential like painkillers and flushing toilets were way down.
Now I take such surveys with the proverbial ‘pinch of salt’, but what is interesting is that the iPhone was the only brand name to be mentioned. The silly thing is one could hardly call the iPhone an invention, it is simply another incarnation of something that was already around.
I am not singling out the iPhone for criticism but it seems to me that it represents a perfect example of advertising combined with the mass hysteria of consumerism making people feel that this is the one thing that I have to possess – something that will change my life for good. So, every year the faithful wait expectantly for their saviour, Steve Jobs, to announce the latest incarnation of his device and millions flock to the stores to buy this ‘must have’ product.
For someone like me a smartphone is a Godsend. Being dyslexic means I have something in my pocket that can keep me organised and on track, but would I place it in a list as one of the most important inventions ever? I think not. Surely important inventions are the ones that have the potential to benefit all of humankind and not the few who can make it down to the nearest Apple Store or wherever.
But there is some good news on our list – at least the wheel made it to No.1
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